Mealtime Battles

If mealtimes are battle zones at your house, they are probably not pleasant. Whining, complaining, screaming and crying are not conducive to good nutrition, pleasant conversation or family bonding. Refusing food, throwing food, fighting with your child over what or how much food they want to eat or what foods you want them to eat are other behaviors that interfere with mealtime. Much of the fighting is a tussle over control- who has it, who wants it. The best way eliminate this is to follow the division of responsibility in eating. Some of these seem pretty hard to follow. Perhaps pick two or three of them to start with, and add more as you can.

1. Child’s job:
   • Child will come to the table willingly.
   • Will sit without getting up and down/on and off the chair
   • Child will not take food independently from the kitchen
   • Participate in structured family mealtimes
   • Will participate in family conversation to the extent of their abilities
   • Will take foods that are offered
2. Parents job:
   • Provide regular meals and snacks every 2-3 hours at the table
   • Will limit grazing between meals
   • Provide unlimited water to drink between meals
   • Will allow 10 – 30 minutes for child to eat.
   • Will provide meals and snacks without distractions. No toys, electronics, or other distractions.
   • Will disconnect from all electronic devices during meals or snacks, including TV, telephones, and computers or tablets.
   • Will give child full attention and engage child in conversation that does not revolve around the food.
   • Will eat at same time as child.
   • Will not force, coerce or pressure child to eat any food she does not want
3. Meals take about 15-40 minutes
4. Snack times are 5-15 minutes.
5. Focus is on pleasant social interaction.
6. Family mealtime: The child and family eat meals together on a regular basis.
7. Structured start and end: The parent dictates the start and end of the meal with a simple directive such as, “It’s time to eat” or “You may get down now.”
8. Parent behavior during meals:
   • No forcing of food or other objects into the child’s mouth.
   • No bribing, pressure or comparison of how nicely others eat their food.
   • Parents will STAY OFF THEIR PHONES and other electronic equipment.
9. Parent is responsible for nice presentation of food:
   • An appropriate amount and variety of foods are presented in a calm and relaxed manner
   • Parents do not sneak the spoon into the child’s mouth but rather announce each bite (if feeding the child).
10. Child’s Mealtime behavior: The child is neutral toward or enjoys the mealtime as evidenced by voluntarily placing food in his or her mouth (or allowing an adult to do so) without crying, turning their head away from the spoon, batting at the spoon, etc.

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